First-grade classroom incident:
- Teacher brings and wraps presents for her students
- Asks the students to say nice things about each other in order to receive a gift
- Compliments start flowing, but eventually slow down and stop completely
- Three gifts are left uncollected and three kids stand rejected at the front of the room
Zhao's dream of becoming an entrepreneur:
- Inspired by Bill Gates, Zhao wanted to be an entrepreneur
- Felt held back by his fear of rejection
- Worried that he had missed his opportunity as he neared his 30s and his wife was pregnant
Nick Epley's research on asking for help:
- People enjoy doing kind things for others and feel happy when they can help
- We underestimate how positively others will respond to our requests for help
- Our fears of rejection are often exaggerated and do not match reality
- Asking for help gives others an opportunity to do something kind and makes them feel good
Experiment with Polaroid camera:
- Subjects asked strangers to take their photos using a vintage Polaroid camera
- Subjects predicted that strangers would be annoyed and have a negative mood after helping, but this was not the case
- Strangers reacted more positively than expected, while subjects overestimated their inconvenience
Jacques' extreme rejection therapy experiment:
- Jacques decided to ask people for fantastic favors as part of exposure therapy to overcome his fear of rejection
- Started with simple challenges like borrowing $100 from a stranger or getting a free burger refill at Five Guys Burgers and Fries
- Filmed all interactions and shared videos online, which went viral
Results of Jacques' rejection therapy experiment:
- People responded positively to Jacques' requests more often than he expected
- The reactions were generally friendly, accommodating, and even humorous in some cases
- Watching the footage helped Jacques realize that his fears were misplaced
Lessons learned from Jacques' rejection therapy:
- People are much nicer than we think and are open to helping, especially with unusual requests
- Our fears of being rejected or seen as needy are usually unfounded
- Vulnerability and asking for help can actually strengthen relationships and make others feel good
- By overcoming our fear of rejection, we may discover how many missed opportunities for connection and support we had
Strategies for asking for help:
- Acknowledge that what you're asking for might not be doable and assure the person it's okay if they can't help
- Reflect on how you would feel if someone asked you for help in a similar situation
- Change your mindset about soliciting assistance by realizing that people like us better when we show vulnerability and seek their help
- Relax during the interaction, stay engaged, and don't focus solely on the possibility of rejection
Jacques' advice on pushing the rejection comfort zone:
- Start by going slightly outside of your comfort zone and gradually expand it over time
- Test the waters with small requests before making bigger ones
- Recognize that even if you get rejected, it doesn't define your worth or value as a person